You see, Society tries to define us based on our looks, income, marital status, the house we live in, and the list goes on. Go to any social gathering and you can see it in full action. The questions start with Hi, how are you? What do you do? Likeminded people will gravitate to likeminded people… There isn’t any harm in this after all it is human nature but I want to propose to you there is another way to examine your life.
My question is what happens to people if they don’t feel they fit in anywhere? Where do the misfit, forgotten ones go to belong? Let me assure you, This is a very reality for many people today.
It’s called an Orphan spirit.
An orphaned spirit can be defined as someone who is without a covering. These are people who were not parented in a way that teaches them the safety in being covered. If a child falls, the covering (parent/caregiver) is available to help them cope emotionally with the fall. If the covering wasn’t there that child learns to cope emotionally on their own too much of this and they will soon develop an Orphan Spirit. If that child has coped for a long time on their own it can make learning to trust others very difficult and even incomprehensible.
Orphan Spirits live in homes with high incidents of abuse, neglect and trauma. It knows no boundaries or social economic status or culture. An orphan spirit can develop anywhere.
Orphaned Spirit Characteristics
- Inability to be comfortable in family environments and struggle with parenting roles.
- Fight for recognition and compete “to get to the top”. They want to win.
- Unable to emotionally connect and relationships suffer, either at work, at home, or in the church.
- Struggle with authority and fear being controlled.
- Will value the pursuit of outwardly success, financially wealthy organizations, successful families, bigger churches.
These characteristics will choke the important things that matter. They pervert the very thing we are all chasing in this life… Significance…
I was an orphaned Spirit and in some ways, I still am. Without a family, I was left without a covering. Being the strong independent woman, I am, I hustled to be acknowledged. I did this through pursuing a career as a hairdresser, being a strong independent mum, moral girl who attended church, I could handle anything. I mean I was responsible, right? I had it together. People told me all the time… Wow, Dani, you are incredible. I swelled with recognition and value. It made so much sense…. I felt invincible.
Suddenly I lost everything…
Are you an Orphan Spirit?
I lost my identity and when that orphan spirit rose up to be appeased but I couldn’t quench her voice anymore. To explain, an international move to New Zealand precipitated a chain of events that forever shaped my life. I lost my church, my family, my culture and was living halfway around the world, all my possessions had been sold, all that was left was my pictures and the clothes on my back and my beautiful daughter. I was 23. Losing my identity was incredibly painful. I had hustled so hard for it. Now, it was gone.
Suddenly, I was that Orphan girl again. I did what I only knew to do.
I fought, but I fought in my own private time thorough surrendering my own agenda. I cried and prayed, A LOT! It was all I had. If God didn’t listen to me I wasn’t sure I could survive.
He said things to me like:” I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you. (John 14:18)” And he did.
What I didn’t know then was that he was mentoring me in what matters in life. Character, unity, freedom, leadership. It birthed in me the pursuit of self-awareness and the need to carry those who are naked to him through relationships and discipleship.
I wish I can tell you that through that experience that my orphan spirit died easily. The truth is that she rose many times to remind me of what I am not. So, although things got easier my shame cycle could rise easily. Please understand, an Orphan Spirit needs shame to survive.
Just recently, I learnt to stop ignoring her. I mean she was starved of love, belonging and affection for so long. She yearns to be noticed and embraced. Now I have learnt to talk to her… remind her that God has this and that rejection isn’t the end of the world. I tell her you know what? You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I’ve accepted she is a part of me and without her, I would not be who I am today. I’ve learnt to be real with my very close friends about my areas of shame and the beliefs I have that scare me. The more I do that they more she is silenced and shame leaves and I experience a deeper level of healing.
What can we do to help Orphan Spirits?
- If you identified with some of the characteristics as an orphaned Spirit you need healthy relationships pronto. Security is formed in relationships that account for a heart to heart connection. Pursue Sonship with mentors who can help you grow.
- Pursue self-awareness. Find out what makes you tick. Get to know yourself and don’t be afraid to share what you learn with people who love you.
- As a church, parent or organization seek out Orphan Spirits. Be powerful and create unity where you can, open the conversation and care about people that’s all it takes.
- Pray, believe for freedom for others. I love when Paul says, “Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone to win as many as possible.” (1 Corinthians 10:23). Courage is key here. Be courageous, don’t be scared to fight for freedom. I promise you, you will win!
Id encourage you whether you are in a family, organization or church setting, be real. Go for the heart. I choose to live a life worthy of the calling God has given me, choosing humbleness and gentleness, bearing patience, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to KEEP the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. In other words, keep connected to those that are disconnected until they believe you. Be who their covering wasn’t and don’t give up until they believe you. That is how we will win the war on Orphan Spirit and help hurt and broken adopt a spirit of sonship.